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Federal Government Girls College Owerri • View topic - JOKES

JOKES

Discuss daily and general issues

Postby dorisikee » Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:16 am

Very funny... :lol: :lol:
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Postby dubem » Fri May 30, 2008 9:42 am

Every enemy dancing "yahoozee" in ur life 'will begin to "kolomental", they will "jasi konga" and shout "Why Me o" becos "Gongo Aso" and you will sing "Mobolowon
:P :P :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whatever I allow into my world becomes my reality

To the degree that we seek the approval of men, we will compromise our obedience to Christ - Rick Joyner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Postby zika_anoka » Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:20 pm

I guess this is a joke someone sent it to me, it sound s too comical to be true

A Nigerian View of London


I did not come to England to take pictures of Big Ben or tour London
Bridge. I just wanted to get paid and get even with those colonials.
With a name like Ogundele Kayode Omobrukutu, I could not even buy a
bus pass let alone open a bank account.

This is my story...., It took me 6 months to study the system, I
still could not figure out my squares and circus's. I could not
travel from Leicester Circus to Oxford Square without getting lost.

I was a YMCA (Young Money Chasing African) when I joined the FRAUD
(Fine Rich Africans United in Deals). It took me 3 months to attain
my ACCA (Advanced Certificate for Criminal Africans) and I needed an
MBA Major Bank Account) to do my first HND (Heavy Nigerian Deal). I
arranged to meet this guy at Animal and Something, I mean Elephant
and Castle! We were supposed to meet at 10.00am. I got there at
11.30am and he turned up at 1.30pm. He pulled up in a Mercedes 500SL
with a private number plate - 419 ADE.

He was a definite Nigerian, he had it all - leather jacket in summer,

air condition on full blast with his roof and windows down whilst
smoking cigar and choking on his smoke just to impress me. Being a
fellow Nigerian I was more than impressed. He introduced himself as
Adepujo Kunle Babatunde and asked me to call him Ade or Babs. He
spoke with a strong Nigerian accent but he messed the whole language
up by slanging - he sounded like a Canadian born Chinese living in
Germany and studying French.

I had not been in the country for long but I could tell that Omo (my
man) was trying hard to be British. After hanging with Ade for about
2 months I became an OBE (Opportunist Bank Employee) and specialised in BBC (Breaking Bank Codes). Money was flowing and I wanted more so I did my PhD (Passport Handling Degree) and became an FBI (Fraudster Bringing Immigrants).

My status changed drastically...., I had a BMW 328i's convertible and



a Porsche 911 with a private plate - 911 OMO and living in a council
flat and signing on. I went to Moonlighting every Friday and drank
champagne and danced to music supplied by DJ Pace and Skills. I
became foolish - I remember one night I spent over 1000 pounds on
just champagne at the club and had no money for petrol so I walked
home.

My downfall.... Greed and selfishness inevitably led to my downfall -



I got involved with a CIA (Cash Investing Agent) and we did a couple
of GMTs (Good Money Transfers) but he later turned out to be a CID
(Cop in Disguise). I was under surveillance and I did not even know.
I left the NHS (Nigerian Housing Scheme) early that morning with
about 12 different cheque books to go and do my business. They
followed me unto the high road and it was then it hit me that
something was wrong. I could not leave all that evidence in my car so



I started chewing my cheque books. I ate 8 before they pulled me over.

They read me my rights and all that crap and all I could say was -
OGA, waterplease!
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Postby blackbeauty » Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:21 am

Definitely too comical to be true - sounds like one big "olodo" - He or she must be one stupid person!!!
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Postby nkay » Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:20 pm

Dia Broda Baraks,

Congrats on your assumption to the throne of US. We your
Nigerian famili are very happy for you and for ourselves. It is our turn now to
chop US national cake and our enemies cannot do anything about that.
I was to come to see you personally at Wite aus but I was
not allowed at the airport because of say no fisa. I told them I am Obama
kosin bet they refuse me. Your new elesion is a very good news for the Obama clan
in Kenya and the famili in Nigeria. When I fest went to the family aus in
Kenya to tell dem we are one famili they did not agree but my pastor from my
church make 3 days dry fast and give me a special sponge to baf in
barbitch after this they accept me. Becos they don't remember the sister of
your granfada mother dat went to Nigeria and mari a shief live near Lagos in
1956 which is also my own personal great grandfada.

Now the famili has choose me to diskus some important matas
with you. You know you have been long in Amrica and have forget our
traditions but tank God we, your famili are hia to guide you to be rill African
man. As a president, you must have a male son in office who will take
over after you die and since ya wife Mitchell has not able to do that, we
have find a wife for you from your fada village. The famili have already
chose a good girl from de village not like Amrica or lagos gals who are too
stubborn to obey the famili. She is a humble well behave and edicated gal
who study sewing and fasion disine so she can help with sewing your suit wen
e tia and also unifom for ami and soja. I hope ya waif will assept famili
shoice becos we have fogif her for her winchcraft wich dont allow her to
have a male son but if not, she can go back to her fada. Even my pastor has say
your younger doter may need a deliverance becos her granmoda want to
give her winsh and ogbanje spirit to chop. Please don't wori about what
dis will cost becos I will do it with my own pusonal moni becos we are one
famili.

I also want to tell you that I want to set up NGO for hades
ofans in Kenya and I can be the leader of the NGO. I have a good standard
six degree and also studied computa at Iyana Ipaja so am well qualify for
dis. Please I need your help for this.

I hope you will consider my request. I will also like your
personal mobile so I can call you. Please greet Auntie Minchel and the
shindren for us. God bless you and may all your enemies fall down and die, in
Jesus' name!

Til I hear you, I am

Yours amiable cousin

Festus Obama
"It is easier for us to believe in the wrath of God than in His mercy, for wrath is a feeling that is human while mercy is divine."
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Postby shaded » Tue Nov 18, 2008 7:19 am

This is some funny sh**
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Postby chizor » Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:17 pm

nkay wrote:God bless you and may all your enemies fall down and die, in


This is what what cracked me up. No mercy whatsoever.
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

-Proverbs 16:3
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Postby horizon » Sun Nov 23, 2008 6:06 pm

hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.naija comedy is still alive.
e don happen
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Postby blackie » Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:29 pm

Strictly speaking, this shouldn't qualify as a joke but if it looks like a joke, talks like a joke and walks like a joke then....

http://myvideos.africast.tv/category/Ni ... 5cd308.htm
Last edited by blackie on Mon Dec 01, 2008 9:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
Fearfully and wonderfully made. And then they threw away the mould
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Postby nkay » Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:13 am

This must be a joke. I don't know how people like this made it to the house of assembly. Parrot indeed. Even the interviewer couldn't help but giggle. Blackie your link no gree. See another one

http://myvideos.africast.tv/category/Ni ... 5cd308.htm
"It is easier for us to believe in the wrath of God than in His mercy, for wrath is a feeling that is human while mercy is divine."
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Postby blackie » Mon Dec 01, 2008 9:02 am

Thanks Nkay, I've now edited my post with the correct link. Wonders shall never end - everything is a joke to our people.
Fearfully and wonderfully made. And then they threw away the mould
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Postby horizon » Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:36 pm

i couldnt open the link, but have u guys seen the pics of the bayelsa state governor and his CBN branch in his house? this guy had dollars stacked in every room and every wardrobe in his house.
e don happen
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Postby blackie » Mon Dec 01, 2008 1:09 pm

horizon wrote:i couldnt open the link, but have u guys seen the pics of the bayelsa state governor and his CBN branch in his house? this guy had dollars stacked in every room and every wardrobe in his house.


Ehen! whither EFCC?

Horizon the link I posted is about a naija House of Assembly rep that apparently swallowed a dictionary. shame you can't open it, maybe you should try googling it under 'Nigerian house of Assembly Parrot'.
Fearfully and wonderfully made. And then they threw away the mould
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diary of a new bride

Postby uluisrare » Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:00 am

The diary of a new bride...[b]


Monday: We are back from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to
cook for Chuka . Today I made moin moin and the recipe said, 'Beat 12 eggs
separately '. Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to
borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The moin moin turned out fine though.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, 'Serve
without
dressing'. So I didn't dress. But Chuka happened to bring a friend
home for
supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them. I think
it was the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe, which said, 'Wash
thoroughly before steaming the rice'. So I heated some water and took a
bath
before steaming the rice.
Sounded kind of silly in the middle of the day. I
can't say it improved the rice anyhow..

Thursday: Today Chuka asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said,
prepare ingredients, and then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before
serving.' I hunted all over the place for a garden with a bed of lettuce
and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over
there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. CHUKA came over and
asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work; I'll
try and be supportive.

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, 'Put all
ingredients in a bowl and beat it'. Beat it I did, to my mother's
place.
There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came
back home again; it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Chuka went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked
me
to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for
Sunday.I
never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and its little
cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute.When Chuka saw it, he
started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,
or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he
started crying and shouting out 'Why me? Why me?'

It has to be his job.





New bride... Agbonma
If swimming is so good for you why are whales so fat?
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Postby Ng » Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:19 am

:lol: :lol: very funny!! I'd go for the tuesday recipe, only thing is to make sure he's coming home alone!
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